


Quite a problem

by argonautic



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:21:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27214828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/argonautic/pseuds/argonautic
Summary: James had agreed to be dragged in a sex-only relationship with Jeremy. Wrongly.
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/James May
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Quite a problem

**Author's Note:**

> Unhappy ending ahead – read at your own risk. It’s a bit of a spoiler but sometimes I’m just not in the right mood to read sad stories so I prefer to warn about it. No major warnings apply though.

“…I love you.”

_Two months. Two months only – less than two months: February doesn’t count as a full month, does it?_

Less than two months only and he fell for Jeremy. He had fallen much earlier, to be precise, but he’d promised himself that it wouldn't matter, that he would be able to bear it, to enjoy whatever they were up to while pretending it was just a matter of shagging - a practical way to sooth each other’s needs without involving anyone else, without taking the risk of going public or having to find someone as trustable as fuckable out of their clique, they agreed.

“Oh. So you’re bi as well…”, Jeremy had asked one night they got so drunk and so close than the bulges in their trousers became not negligible, and James’s panic had him only reply an abrupt ”Yes”. Jeremy took James’s embarrassed composure for skilled detachment and James let him think so. Maybe he’d tried to approach Richard before, James wondered; made sense - Richard was much cuter and funnier and better in everything. Maybe it's just because Richard declined the offer that Jeremy turned to James. Maybe not, James hoped.

Jeremy quickly decided he’s been lucky to find someone so close at hand to satisfy his taste and acted accordingly, that same night and almost all the following weekends. James agreed, even if it wasn’t exactly what he was hoping for, yet he felt he couldn’t skip the chance, and never turned down Jeremy’s proposals that were becoming increasingly engaging, yet still scarce in foreplay and always at James’s. He didn’t mind the last point though: in the end it was a good thing not having to remember he was supposed to get back to his own bed, after they’d fucked.

All of this for the reasonable price of minding the wording of his moans and remembering to divert his kisses to Jeremy’s jawline or neck, restraining himself that bit that allowed compliance with their agreement. The first time it was almost spontaneous, given the alcohol and the awkwardness; then, as their affinity sharpened up, it got increasingly difficult to trace out a neat border between love and lust – at least for James. Less than two months later, he discovered himself unable to, up to the point he let it slip out.

At the worst time, also: just after Jeremy had crashed over him, exhausted and lifeless after having spent all his energies taking him in a way James would have never allowed anyone else to. Pleased and content, James whispered the unspeakable while reaching out for Jeremy’s curls: he retracted his hand just in time, didn’t managed with his tongue though.

Having promptly realised the extent of the damage and how any further action could have only made things worse, James remained silent and still, squashed over the damp bedsheet by shame, regret and Jeremy’s weight over his chest, suddenly stiffer and sweltering.

Jeremy didn’t move either. “That’s… quite a problem, May”, he assessed after a while.

_It is._

“I mean- James, are you awake?”

“Yes”, James replied from behind his eyelids, and it was enough for Jeremy to go on,

“What I meant it’s… well, it’s not… you know it isn’t.”

Still lying there motionless, he felt Jeremy pushing himself up, hovering over him for a couple of seconds before carefully attempting to drift away.

“We- we talked about this, didn’t we?”, Jeremy kept blabbering while getting out of the bed.

_We did._

“And… I mean, it’s just sex – it was meant to be just sex, we agreed on it. You… you shouldn’t have...”

_I shouldn’t have._

“Oh come on, just think about it… how could we survive it? Think about the paps only…”

_Right, how?_

Whilst Jeremy was pulling himself together, dressing rough and ready, James kept lying there, naked, sweaty and beautiful like a marble statue just recovered from the sea, silently crumbling into pieces under the smooth surface.

“We’d better cut this off, I’m sure you’ll agree with me”, Jeremy concluded while leaving the room.

James didn’t reply, didn’t see the look on Jeremy’s face while he spoke, and asked himself what’s the point in teardrops pooling into ears if they can’t even muffle the voices outside.


End file.
